ملك

the second biggest problem i have in relationships (the first being my need for privacy) is reflecting my understanding of balance to my lovers. in order to maintain harmony, i seek to balance relationships with friendships, my intellectual side with my emotional capacity, and the rational with the romantic.

feelings get caught quick when this simple idea is misunderstood.

the yin and yang do not devour each other, but instead give rise to one another. in the same sense, the masculine and the feminine must complement each other without conflict.

while the mind is limitless and and the soul is eternal, the body is merely finite. if i am blessed with one, refusing to purify it through sawm (the fasting of food, sex, money, and even words) or nourishing it with filth like pork or dead birds is detrimental to the physical, throwing off it’s balance with the mental and spiritual. the body is like kingdom, and it’s ruler must maintain it righteously.

study islam/peace, seek ummah/unity.

i’ve came unto the understanding that to truly refine my mind, i must refine my body with it. this type of discipline is a means to an end. it’s like that jewel my catholic mother gave me in the form of a psalm: “you will eat the fruit of your labor; blessings and prosperity will be yours.” 

reading -> calisthenics -> heavy meditation, with music as the transition. my means to an end.

today has really been a turning point in my life. after a lot of thought and discussion, i’ve decided that i’m going to ditch my original plan of being a m.d. to study law. i know nothing of the path and hard work that lies ahead, but i’m going to follow my calling and leave the rest to allah.

i keep catching myself explaining to simple-minded females that their bitterness shouldn’t be directed at me for losing interest in them. think about it like this: there are millions of people out there that will look past the fact that you don’t use your head as much as you should, and they will genuinely love you and appreciate you for who you are. i’m just not one of them. i have standards for everyone i meet in life, and you should too. either stay on your toes or move along.

i appreciate music, writing, and many other forms of art, but i can only take in so much without making my own. it’s like when i’m watching spoken word performances or seeing some of the photography that people put out. it inspires me, but not only to talk about it and pay dues, but instead to contribute to the art in the same medium, for my own health. i’ve been listening to music for as long as i can remember, but i haven’t really gained a genuine appreciation for it until after i’ve tried to create it for myself. i mean at this point in my life, i’m not even that great at spitting and i’m even worse on the boards, but going about it in the same means as the people that i admire and making something new from it brings about a deeper respect and understanding for it.

note to self: we can’t be fucking with you for too long if you make the first move but fail to hold the conversation or follow through. we lose interest and move on.

escapism

i love being lit/intoxicated off substances as much as the next person, but i’ve opened my eyes the beauty of moderation. between weed sessions and reading taoist literature, it’s really hit me that although i’m really starting to burn heavy, i can’t aim to become like some of these people that i’ve been meeting all summer who virtually do nothing but light up all day and use it to replace substance. i can’t really associate with you for too long (especially if you’re a female) if you want me to consider you unique, but you only start conversations with me to go or to talk about chiefin’ and doing other typical teenager shit that we’re all familiar with. that’s ungodly. we can definitely talk about those shits to an extent, but eventually i’d like to build something genuine. let’s make some beautiful music together. i really just want to tap into your inner thoughts and to get to know and respect you as an individual. we don’t even have to be on the deep-ass mystical tip all the time, i guess all i expect is a positive, healthy balance of the two worlds.

i’ve never really used my sexual conquests to validate who i am, because i’m not that insecure. i definitely get mine, but bragging doesn’t really give me positive elevation, but instead clouds my vision and leaves me blinded and relying on pussy for self-confidence.

it hits me when i’m with some of my niggas and they go on and on about how many females they’ve hit and who gets the most and childish shit like that. i just sit back with a stupid grin on my face like, “yeah homie, just keep doing you.” you can keep building up that ego of yours all you want, but you can’t pull wool the over my eyes; i see right through you.

it’s like i’ve finally found that perfect balance on some heaven on earth type shit. it’s when you observe without thinking. instead of looking at the world objectively and criticizing/judging everything you see, you just clear your head and stop thinking completely. taoists niggas call it wu wei, which is described as non-action action, or effortlessness. it’s a truly spiritual high just to travel through everyday life at your own pace, not limiting yourself to any lists/schedules or imposing them on other people.

feels good man

there are morsels of wisdom and truth in everything, especially in music. this is why i’ve stopped getting caught up in labels such as mainstream or underground, and started to just enjoy it for what it is, which is really just love.

this puts me at peace.

Buddha and the Goddess

And he and the goddess, without further words, exchanged glances. Light rays like sun beams shot forth so brightly that even Sariputra, the All-Seeing One, had to turn away.

And then they exchanged thoughts, and the illumination was as bright as a diamond candle.

And then they exchanged minds,

and there was a great silence as vast as the universe contains everything. 

And then they exchanged bodies

and then clothes

and the Buddha arose as the Goddess,

and the Goddess arose as the Buddha.

-Rick Fields

at the end of the day, i will never truly understand why a disabled, immigrant African mother willingly works multiple jobs and endures stress to single-handedly put her son through independent school and college. and on top of all that, you didn’t mind that, until recently, i’ve been completely unappreciative about it. 

i am truly grateful to have a mother as loving as she has been. happy mother’s day and peace to all the beautiful earths out there.

i’m not even that great at producing (yet), but after about 10 months of off-and-on trials, the little knowledge i’ve gained about production through experimenting (and from what this guy taught me) has completely changed the way i view to music.

now when i turn on my speakers, i don’t just hear sounds, i hear layers. i can almost immediately isolate out and identify some of the origins of the drums used or point out who used what part of what break/vocal, and just as quickly, i can dissect what type of audio processing/effects were used on what joint. 

but anyway, for the past few weeks, while some of my homies have been bitching about me not making beats (like you own me, nigga), i’ve been incognito digging through some of my parent’s old crates. i can’t help but bust a smile every time i accidentally run into a sample that one of my favorite producers freaked. it’s as if taking a break to learn about the foundation of music-making has just affirmed my appreciation of it.

that being said.. i’m going to go do a few bowls and come back to analyze and appreciate this jewel to it’s fullest extent.